I’m so quintessential in being everything you shouldn’t

Guess it’s shadow season after all.

In Human Design, and Gene Keys, Gate 23 is my Sun. Gate 23’s gift is simplicity, the essence of the power of the 23rd gate is Quintessence, and the shaddow is complexity.

I have this notebook I keep by my bed.

Orignally for a fourth step in an anonymous program from years past, notes, lists [grocery, packing, to-do], confirmation numbers, poems, and goodbye letters.

I spent a winter writing a different goodbye letter multiple nights a week.

Just in case, I was finally taken under the blanket of darkness.

Just to let everyone know I didn’t try to leave

Just to let everyone know, the pain was so great I had to intoxicate.

And if I slipped through the night, it wasn’t my intent.

Because I had to absolve myself of it all, take off the gloves, and turn them in

Down on my knees with a pain in my heart so monumental my cheeks haven’t been dry in months

Spring has come and gone, the spark is lit

A new beginning, a new season, and Persephone has returned

I’m embarrassed to admit these notes exist

It pains me to know I wasted a tree and ink on something so selfish

But that’s who I am

And that’s what I was told

I am.

I am the most selfish

Just take a look at the life I chose.

So when I look at this spiritual text, and read my essence is exemplary, I die inside a little bit.

I am no one to be setting any example, anywhere.

Gene Key/Gate 23 is just half my story, too.

If you know, you know.